


All Over Again

by Xecs (PinkyToes)



Category: Team B (Band), iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Depression, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, sad hanbin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 15:08:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20726219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkyToes/pseuds/Xecs
Summary: Sometimes a strong front doesn't mean a strong person.Hanbin needs someone to save him from himself because he can't do it anymore.





	All Over Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellos! I hope you guys enjoy this. I have been dying to write some IKON fanfics since there isn't enough out there. I'm not that great of a writer so don't expect too much but I hope to finish this story within a year. It will be heavy angst and have a lot of deviations from Canon since I'm making things as I go. Await the next chapter!!

“Practice is over.” 

Hanbin rushed out of the door, out of YG before any of the members could say anything. He had no plans or directions he just needed to get out and be alone. He just kept walking until his footsteps took him to the Han River. Even with no place in mind, his body always took him here, the Han River, where he can be by himself yet not. There are always people around, couples, families, and just random loners like himself. He sat down on a bench and finally let himself breathe in the fresh air but even then, it wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough. He wasn’t enough. 

Hanbin was always reigned as a prodigy, the next GD, the one that will continue YG success as the Big Three but every month, every year he keeps falling short of expectations. 

_“This song is terrible. There isn’t even a beat.” _

_“Did you even try with this choreography?”_

_“Nothing in your album was even in the Top 10! Maybe I was wrong about you, you don’t have talent.” _

Hanbin sucked in his breath and let his head fall onto his knees. YG was right. He doesn’t have talent for this. He probably never did. Everything he done so far never pushed IKON any further than just being a rookie group. They have no hit songs, no memorable dances, or even that many fans in Korea. And he knows it can’t be the members fault, they are all talented in their own rights. Jinhwan with his intense gaze and sweet voice, Donghyuk with his amazing dancing skills, Junhoe with THAT voice, Yunhyeong with his soft voice and funny demeaner, Chanwoo with his flexibility and effort, and Bobby with his lyrical rapping skills and powerful stage presence. They all had talent and he was the one meant to showcase it through his songs.

Just the thought of the members almost brings tears to his eyes. He’s their leader. He’s meant to guide them to their dream. He remembers when they all formed IKON and made a promise to become idols together to take over the kpop industry. They were so bright eyed, hopeful, and cheerful back then. They understood the difficulties of becoming an idol especially after WIN, but they had no idea how truly ruthless the industry was. It has been over 3 years since their debut, and they barely made a dent in their careers. They were still nobodies, still a rookie groups from YG that is falling short compared to WINNER, AKUMU, and Big Bang. He knew he was not only failing as a composer but as a leader. IKON deserves a better leader even if no one would say it to his face. He knew he was the weakest link.

Hanbin breath shuddered. He couldn’t breathe. Everything was too much and not enough. He felt like he was drowning and needed someone, anyone to bring him back up. Someone to ground him and tell him that everything would work out, but that person doesn’t exist. He never wants his parents to know how he truly feels and none of the members would be willing to come to him at this state particularly after he stormed out of practice. Before, at least one of the members, Jinhwan and Bobby, would come check up on him but now they don’t even try. 

Hanbin checks his phone notifications in hope that they may have reached out to him. There’s nothing which is the norm these days. What does he expect? He barely hangs out with the members since he’s always at the studio. It’s no wonder their chemistry has gone bad. Sometimes he doesn’t even recognize himself with the members. They all broke off into duos without him even realizing and he’s all alone, the odd one out. The one that doesn’t belong. Maybe he never belonged, and he just finally realized it after all these years. Hanbin always been the more serious one in the group, always the perfectionist. It’s no surprise the members don’t talk to him. No one would want to talk to a moody, demanding perfectionist who can’t even have a good time. But even if they don’t want him, he does. They are his boys since this shit storm started. He misses them and the beginning when everything was much simpler, much easier. 

There’s one memory he particularly remembers. It was when they were throwing a party in the dorms just before their official debut after Mix and Match. Their excitement and nervousness were at an all-time high. Everyone was bubbling out of their skins that they were finally given a chance to debut as a group to finally be on that amazing stage they all dreamed about. There was infinite amounts of laughter, drinks, and hugs being passed around because they finally made it. They were officially debuting. 

_“Hanbinaaaaah, we are debuting!” Bobby laughed as he threw his arm around Hanbin shoulder pulling him into a hug. _

_“I know, Hyung. I can’t believe this is real.” Even from Hanbin muffled response, Bobby heard him and leaned down to reply into his ear. _

_“Oh man, tell me about this we worked our ass off. We deserve this, you deserve this.” The last part trailed off into a whisper as if it was an after thought but it still brought shivers down Hanbin’s body because he wanted this so much. The debut and the affirmation for his hard work. He continued hugging Bobby just to feel more grounded. He felt as if none of this could possibly be real that it was just another joke before the Producers and YG crashed their party. Bobby seemed to understand this since he never made a motion to move or let go. He just left his solid arms around his shoulders and waist. Hanbin could vaguely hear the other members yelling and laughing to eachother in the background but everything felt distant. His focus was on Bobby’s heartbeat, his warmth, and his breath near his ear. _

_“Hanbin-ah, we did it.” Bobby breath tickled his ears and Hanbin couldn’t do anything but nod meekly into Bobby’s chest at the reassurance. Silence tickled between them for several seconds before Hanbin felt Bobby face moved away from his ears. _

_“Just look at them. They all can’t believe it either. Man, I can’t really believe it either, but can I tell you something? I always knew we were going to debut. If not in YG, somewhere else because we were all meant to be together. We are a family, ya know, and family don’t leave each other”_

_Hanbin closed his eyes at the word family because they were family no matter how many arguments and snappy comments, they make to each other. They all struggled together and stuck together. They never really ventured outside their group because they didn’t need to. They were ENOUGH for each other. _

_At that thought, Hanbin decided to raise his eyes to look at the members but before he could his gaze locked onto Bobby’s eyes. Bobby was looking at him the entire time he was talking. His eyes soft with crinkles at the sides and a large vibrant smile on his face. Hanbin felt all his air leave his body because Bobby looked so happy and soft looking at him as if Hanbin was the only one in the room right now. As if he was the only one, he meant when he said family. Hanbin tried to move his mouth to say something, anything but lost the opportunity when Donghyuk jumped onto them. _

_“HYUNG! Stop sitting there and hugging eachother and celebrate with us!” Bobby let go of Hanbin to hit Donghyuk on the head. _

_“Aishh! Don’t jump onto me like that you brat!” _

_“Hey, don’t hit me!” _

_Hanbin watched dazed as Bobby wrestled Donghyuk onto the ground to hit his head a few more times and wondered what just happened. _

Thinking about it now, it should have been obvious that Hanbin loved Bobby and maybe Bobby loved him too, but it doesn’t matter now. It was all in the past; their friendship, their chemistry, and their bond. He rarely sees Bobby these days and when he does, they can barely talk like they used too. It was as if something stifled all their words and left their mouth on the floors along with their hearts. Hanbin is not even sure when it all ended but Bobby used to be his rock, his Hyung, through all of this but now they aren’t anything to each other than members. He just wished Bobby was here with him, but he understands that Bobby doesn’t deserve that. He doesn’t deserve some broken untalented mess. Maybe it would be best if he ended it all.


End file.
